


Secrets & Confessions

by SquiggyGirl



Category: Laverne & Shirley (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-12 13:02:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28885818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SquiggyGirl/pseuds/SquiggyGirl
Summary: This story takes place over the course of time.  It chronicles the ups and downs and budding romances of Lenny & Laverne and Shirley and Squiggy.   When a certain "viper" comes back into Squiggy's life - how will he handle it?    When tragedy strikes one of the couples how will they cope?
Relationships: Laverne DeFazio & Lenny Kosnowski, Shirley Feeney/Andrew "Squiggy" Squiggman
Kudos: 1





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Author's Note: 
> 
> When I wrote this I never thought I was going to actually post it so I had it as one continuous document = now that I had to post it by chapter I broke it down. Sometimes the chapters weren't broken down at the best of times... I will correct this process next as i continue my stories....  
> =====================================================

It was no secret that the salary of a driver for a brewery did not amount to much. After paying bills and such there was not much left for anything else. Tired of being broke all the time Lenny decided to answer an ad. It was an open audition at a local club. He figured it was acting or singing or something like that. Oh how wrong he was.

“Ok next” said the voice.

“Uh hi” Lenny said nervously.

“Can you dance?”

“Yes, a little”

“Show me”

Lenny danced, it was awkward and he felt stupid considering there was no music. The man, identified as Gerald nodded.

“OK you’re hired. You need to be fitted for your costume.”

“What play are we doin’” he asked

“It ain’t a play. This is a ladies club” said one of the others. 

Lenny’s face drained of colour. “L-Ladies club?” he asked.

That guy, identified as Rob laughed. “This guy is green he’s never done this before.”

Lenny’s jaw dropped when he saw the costume. It was a very skimpy outfit and left not much to the imagination. 

“We go on at nine for a bachelorette party”

“Oh god” Lenny said.

That night early evening....

“Uh, I’m sorry Rosie, but Shirley is sick and can’t make the party” Laverne said.

“You’re gonna miss an awesome party. It’s happening at the local Ladies Club.” Rosie told her.

“Laverne if you wanna go, go. Carmine will take care of me” Shirley called out from the bedroom.

“I’ll see how I feel later Rosie” Laverne told her and hung up. To Shirley she said. “I ain’t goin’ to a ladies club alone Shril, it is not my thing.”

“Where are the boys tonight?” Shirley asked.

Laverne shrugged. “Squiggy has a date and Lenny said he was going to work at The Pizza Bowl to help my pop out.

Shirley started coughing. Laverne recoiled. “I’ll head to The Pizza Bowl to see if pop needs any more help.”

Ten minutes later...

“Lenny ain't here and no i never told him he could work here.” Frank DeFazio said. 

“Then where is he and why would he lie?”

Meanwhile at the ladies club Lenny and the others were preparing for their performance. 

In the audience, Rosie was drooling a little, granted she should not be drooling as she was married, but this was the first time she had gone to one of these places post marriage. Here husband and she had an agreement that they were allowed to look and drool but not touch. She had planned this night for her soon-to-be-married friend Jenny.

The lights dimmed and the dancers came on one by one. Rosie and the others were hooting and hollering and waving $1 bills.

Just as a very nervous Lenny was stepping on to the stage in his outfit, Laverne entered the club.

Their eyes met, Laverne clamped her hand over her mouth after a shocked squeal and Lenny, blushed and ran from the stage. 

After his exit the show continued as if nothing happened.

Laverne did not know what to make from what she saw. Obviously Lenny was doing that for extra money. She headed back home and sat on the stairs to her apartment building. She knew Lenny had to come home sometime and she just had to talk to him. Although it was hard to judge just when he ‘d come home as his roommate & best friend Squiggy had the apartment for the night.

She saw the boys’ truck pull up and so she stood up and approached the truck. He hadn’t seen her yet as he was gathering his stuff from the seat next to him. He hadn’t seen her yet.

“Hi Len. Do you wanna talk?”

He shook his head.

“Let’s talk” she insisted.

Lenny followed Laverne to her apartment and they sat down on the sofa.

“Don’t tell anyone.” 

“I am not going to say a word but what about the others in the group? Rosie has a big mouth.”

Lenny squeezed his eyes shut. “Oh great! She’ll spill it for sure.”

Shirley came into the living room coughing wearing her nightie and she hadn’t seen Lenny.

“Laverne! Rosie just called with something shocking!”

“Shirl, I know!” Laverne said, trying to quiet her. 

Shirley continued babbling about what Rosie saw. On the couch, Lenny was groaning.

“Shirley! SHHH! We have company!”

She stopped, finally noticing Lenny. Lenny hadn’t even blinked at the sight of Shirley in her nightie. 

“Lenny,” Shirley said.

“Please stop laughing,” he said.

Laverne took pity on him. “Lenny why?”

Lenny looked at her. “I needed money,” he said. “Things as you know have been slower than usual at work and I am behind with my share of the rent. Squiggy has been covering for me for the last 2 months.”

“Lenny why didn’t you come talk to us, we’re your friends and we have helped you in the past.”

He sighed. “I just couldn’t ask you guys. I know you don’t make much either. Didn’t wanna burden you. When i went for the interview i thought it was a play, some acting gig. Had i known what it really was I would have never.. I should have known, the ad promised good money.”

Shirley looked at him. “Lenny are you telling me you had no clue the club you walked into was a strip joint?”

He shook his head. “No clue. Please we cannot let this get out. I know it's hard with Rosie but you guys promise me...” 

Laverne looked at Shirley and said. “Mrs. Babish was there too.” 

Edna Babish was not only their landlady but Laverne’s step-mom to be. (her dad and her were dating and it was inevitable they’d get married) 

Lenny blushed again. “M-Mrs. Babish was there.”

Shirley nodded. “Yes that is what Rosie said. Apparently she knew Jenny’s mom or something. Rosie was talking fast so i didn’t catch every detail”

“Hello” said a new voice entering the room.

“Squiggy?”

“Diane just called me and told me. What were you thinking?”

Lenny shook his head. “I needed money,” he said.

“Money? So you demean yourself and do that” Squiggy said.

“I’m sorry Squig,I had no other choice.”

Squiggy threw up his hands. “I told you Sharee was a lady of the night! Why would you date her.”

Lenny rolled his eyes. “What are you talking about?”

“Dating Sharee, what are you talking about?”

The boys had been talking about two different things. Not unusual for those two.

“Squiggy, nothing happened between me and Sharee. In fact, she stood me up!”

“What are you talking about then needing money? Where were you tonight.??”

The four of them were silent....until

Frank Defazio slammed open the door with Edna Babish standing behind him.

“YOU!” he said pointing at Lenny.

“I think I should get outta here.” he said.

“No you’re going to stay and explain yourself.” Frank said.

The only one who seemed very confused and out of the loop was Squiggy.

“I’m a little confused.” 

Lenny heaved his shoulders and covered his face with his hands.

Laverne whispered into Squiggy’s ear.

“He what? Lenny Kosnowski are you out of your mind?” 

“Well I quit anyway. After what happened tonight I ain’t gonna do that again!” he replied.

“He said he needed money.” Laverne said.

“He’s only working 2 shifts lately. The deliveries are very slow for some strange reason. They only need one driver full time.” Squiggy said..

“Lenny, we’re your friends you could have come to us.” Laverne said.

“I don’t want to talk about it anymore. I’m goin’ to bed” Lenny said.

“Uh Diane and I need the apartment.” Squiggy said.

“Len you can stay here on the couch” Laverne told him. 

Before Frank could intervene, Edna pulled him away.

Lenny gave her a smile. “Thanks Laverne. You’re always there for me to cheer me up.”

Laverne gave Lenny a pillow and blanket. “Are you sure you don’t want to talk, Lenny?” 

Lenny looked at her. “Right now I can't even face you. I’m too embarrassed.” .

Laverne chuckled. “We’ve been friends for a very long time. You don’t need to be embarrassed. 

He sighed. “How can I ever face anyone again? I have no idea how many people were in the audience of that joint that I know.”

“Rosie unfortunately does have a big mouth.”

“She has had a big mouth since high school” replied Lenny. “I can’t believe how i was suckered into it. I should have just said no and walked away when i realized what it was.” 

“Lenny, I can’t answer that but think about it. You’ve been to ladies clubs where the ladies take it off”

“Yes” he said blushing “I’m a red-blooded man” 

“You guys get cheap thrills with those places especially coz women take it all off. Men don’t take it all off. How fun is that for a woman”

Lenny shrugged. “That’s the way it works I guess.” 

“Laverne turned to him. “Doncha think girls have desires and wants.”

Where was this coming from? Lenny thought. “Laverne, you’re scaring me.” 

He was surprised that she was acting that way as she never expressed stuff like that around him.

“Maybe I should go” he said. 

Laverne looked at him. “No, stay. Where would you go?”

Lenny looked at her. “C-can i ask you something Laverne”

“Anything. We’re friends, Len”  
“Am I dumb?” he asked. “After what just happened i feel dumb.”

Laverne put a comforting arm around him. “No you’re not dumb”

“I feel dumb, stupid and horribly embarasssed about what happened.” 

“Lenny, what are you afraid of? You are a good looking guy.” she said.

Lenny looked at her in shock. “Really? You’re not just sayin’ that?”

Laverne looked at him right in the eyes. “Lenny, you are good looking, you have nothing to be ashamed of. You just shocked your friends that’s all.”

“Do you think um, you and I can go to The Pizza Bowl for supper tomorrow night?” he asked shyly.

“Why Lenny Kosnowski, are you asking me out on a date?” she teased.

Lenny blushed shyly. “Yea” he replied.

Laverne chuckled. “Yes Lenny we’ll go to The Pizza Bowl together for supper.” 

Lennuy grinned and Laverne giggled.


	2. Chapter 2

The following night they entered The Pizza Bowl together and sat down. The waitress gave them menus. 

“What’s she doing with Lenny?” Shirley said to Carmine. Shirley had recovered from her cold and she and Carmine were out for their usual date.

“Leave it alone Shirl, please” he said

“B-But it’s Lenny.” she said.

“Maybe so but she likes him. I dunno. Shirl, you gotta stay out of it and leave it alone.” 

She stuck her tongue out at him.

Squiggy and a random girl walked in about ten minutes later. “Excuse me my dear, why don’t you have a seat and I’ll be right there.” he said.

“Lenny, may I have a word.” he said to his friend.

“Excuse me Laverne” 

“No problem Len,”

“Lenny, what are you doing here?”

“Eating”

“What about your job?”

“Squig, I told you I quit. I ain’t cut out for that job”

Squiggy thought about it. “I’m a little short on money myself - is there an opening??”.. 

Evidently Squiggy had no shame.

Lenny snickered. “Squig, you ain’t cut out for it either. Remember it was a STRIP JOINT” Lenny said.

Just as he said that, the song had ended and everyone heard what he said. He felt all eyes on him, including Frank.

“So what! I tried something new and it didn't work out! It was the most embarrassing thing that has happened to me - well except this, I'm sure every single one of you have done things or have had things happen to you you’d like to forget!” he paused and looked at Laverne. “Let’s get outta here Laverne” and with that they left after he threw some money on the table. Laverne asked the waitress to box up the remaining slices and put them in the fridge and she’d get them later.

“Where do you wanna go? I’d usually take my date up to Inspiration Point but.... He began.

“Ok” she said.

Lenny was confused. Laverne agreeing to a date and inspiration point. “Am I dreaming? I mean you’ve never agreed to a date or to go to Inspiration Point with me.”

Laverne looked at him. “You’ve got out of your comfort zone and went to perform at a strip joint and well it's my turn to come out of my comfort zone and admit things...” she replied. “I don’t think I’m ready for “Vodey-oh-do” but we’ll see.” she said with a smile. 

Lenny’s jaw dropped. “Can we use your car? Squiggy is using the truck”

Laverne nodded and gave him the keys. She wasn’t as comfortable driving. They drove up to Inspiration Point. “I dunno Laverne. I-I’m a little scared”

“Scared?”  
“Yea, I mean you’re one of my best friends. I don’t wanna do anything I'll regret tomorrow morning.” he said. 

Laverne messed his hair playfully. “I’m completely sober Len. You can’t take advantage of me”

Lenny liked Laverne, it was obvious. He had a massive crush on her for so many years but aside from one time admitting he had a crush, he never made a big deal of it. Sure he teased her a lot but part of that was Squiggy’s influence.

Lenny sighed. His best friend was not a positive influence on him at all and it took him this long to realize it. Lenny and Squiggy had been inseparable since first grade. Lenny had always stood up for his friend and protected him for a variety of reasons. One of the obvious reasons was because Squiggy ws so much smaller than the other kids. As a teenager, Squiggy developed a complex to compensate for his smaller stature. Act like a big man and be treated that way.. Lenny knew how much Squiggy talked but did he actually walk the walk with girls as he claimed. 

“Laverne, can we talk?” Lenny asked. Laverne froze. Her friend wanted to talk. They were up at Inspiration Point, the biggest make out spot in Milwaukee and Lenny Koslowski wanted to talk. For him to decide to talk, it must be very important. Lenny never usually passes up a chance to make out with a girl.

She put her hand on his arm. “Len are you ok?”

He shook his head. “I’m still upset over my situation. I know i shouldn’t dwell on it but it was so embarrassing.”

“Lenny, you are a very attractive young man. I’ve said that so many times.”

“Then why did I run off stage when I saw you?”

“Well, friends don’t usually see friends in skimpy clothing. You didn’t expect to see anyone you knew” she said. 

“True” he sighed. “I dunno, Laverne am I gonna be a loser my whole life?”

“You’re not a loser ‘

“I feel like one,” he said.

She shook her head.

“Lenny, she began but didn’t know what else to say.

“See! You think I’m a loser too!” 

“Lenny you can’t put yourself down. Another thing you can’t let Squiggy get to you!” she said. There, she thought she said part of what was on her mind. 

“Squiggy? What does he have to do with this?”

“He constantly puts you down. He’s been doin that since high school”

Lenny nodded. “He does try to make himself look better by puttin’ me down and calling me stupid.”

“He did that all through high school and you let him put you down.”

“Squiggy is a very angry young man. “Lenny began. “His father left when he was 9. One day Helmut Squigman just up and left without a trace. Oh ya he left a letter just saying he didn’t want to be a father and never returned. Oh for the first year or two he seemed ok but then his mom started dating Leon the man who was to be his step-father and from then on Squiggy rebelled.”

“His mom took sides?”

“Yea. Squiggy and his step dad would argue about something stupid whether or not it was Squiggy’s fault his mom took the step dad’s side. Mostly because his stepdad was supporting them and one wrong move on his mom’s part could have put them on the street.” Lenny knew there was more to the story but he had been sworn to secrecy. 

“So that’s when Squiggy rebelled. Started wearing leather jackets and slicking back his hair.”

“Well that part happened when he was 14. He was able to get a part time job to pay for the jacket and hair tonic.” Lenny said. “I can't divulge anything else, Laverne, let’s just say he confided some personal things to me. We have Guy Talk just like you girls have girl talk.

They decided to leave Inspiration Point as neither were in the mood anymore for making out. They had a lot on their minds but they were scared. They drove back home in silence. When they got home Lenny parked the car and he walked her to her apartment.

“Do you wanna come in? Shirley is still out with Carmine.”

Lenny nodded. They went into the apartment and sat on the couch together. Laverne got a blanket from her room and they snuggled with popcorn as they watched TV. They were watching a favourite Godzilla movie.

The popcorn was positioned between them as they watched. Suddenly they went for the same piece of popcorn and their fingers touched. They looked at each other.

Laverne made the first move and kissed him. He kissed her back and closed his eyes. A dream come true, kissing Laverne. He thought. He’d been harboring that crush on her for so long. She took him by the hand and let him to the bedroom. 

Lenny gulped. “A-are you sure about this Laverne”

She nodded. “Lenny, yes I am” she replied and as she walked into the room she tore her clothes off just leaving them discarded. 

Lenny followed her into the room. There she lay in her bed covered in the blankets as beautiful as ever.

Lenny flicked off the lights, got undressed and climbed in beside her.

“A-are you ready?”  
“As I’ll ever be.” she said.

Lenny and Laverne started out with kissing then it got hot and heavy. The moment he started kissing her breasts Laverne started to moan which sent Lenny’s hormones soaring. He threw off the blankets exposing both of them to their nakedness and he straddle her and was very gentle as they made their connection. Neither of them had thought of a condom that night and Laverne wasn’t on the pill as this was her first time. She and Shirley had made a vow as teens to wait til their wedding day so nothing was done about protection or the pill. She bit her lip as it hurt a little.

“I’m sorry if I hurt you” he said as he caressed her breasts.”

“You’re worth it Len.” she said. “I’ve been waiting my life for a man to love and do this with.”

“I know it’s your first time and i wanted it to be special” he said and hungrily kissed her breasts again and continued kissing her down her body. When he got to a certain part he looked at her. She smiled. “Go for it Len” as soon as he did, she orgasmed loudly.

Meanwhile in the living room, Carmine and Shirley had gotten home. “Thank you very much for a lovely evening Carmine. It was...” she stopped. “Carmine why are you blushing?”

“Laverne and Lenny.” he said.

‘What about them?”

“I think they are ‘Vodeo-do-ing’ “ he said.

“What makes you think that?”

“2 reasons, the noises and Laverne’s clothes.

Squiggy entered just then. “H-ello, have you seen Lenny?”

“No but I can hear him” Carmine said

Squiggy’s jaw dropped. “Lenny and Laverne?” Squiggy said.

“Let’s get outta here. If they knew we were hear and heard that they’d be so embarrassed and Lenny has had enough to last a very long time”

Squiggy, Shirley and Carmine left and went to Carmine’s apartment. Well after realizing it was obvious Shirley and Carmine wanted to be alone Squiggy went to his own apartment which was across from Carmine’s.

. Lenny and Laverne lay in bed grinning like Cheshire cats. “”Len that was amazing!”

Lenny blushed. “Thanks’

“Thank you for making my first time memorable.” she said and kissed him again. 

He smiled. “You certainly know how to make me feel better” They got dressed and went back to the living room. They stopped.

“Shirley was here,” Laverne said.

“What?”

“Her purse is there,” Laverne said.

“H-how much do you think she knows?” Lenny asked. 

She looked at him. “Too much Len, too much” she replied. 

“See ya tomorrow Laverne” he said and left.

Lenny took a deep breath and walked into the apartment he shared with Squiggy. Squiggy was sitting on the lower bunk waiting. 

“Tell me everything Lenny”

“Tell you what Squiggy?”

“How was she?”

“What are you talking about?”

Squiggy laughed. “We know”

“Who knows about what?”

“Shirley, Carmine and me know about you and Laverne.”

“Squiggy I ain’t tellin you nothin’ “ he said. 

Squiggy snickered and said something rude under his breath. Lenny heard what he said and that set him off. He grabbed the smaller guy by the scruff, his feet dangling.

“Lenny what are you doing?”

“Andrew Squigman, you ought to be ashamed of yourself for saying that! Laverne is an amazing woman. Why don’t you stop your attitude toward women and grow up! You’re 23 not 13 anymore. If you know what’s good for you you’ll shut up!” Lenny said and slammed out of the apartment angrily.

“Uh oh” Shirley said. They had heard everything. Carmine sighed. “You talk to Squiggy and I’ll go take a cold shower” 

Lenny had made his way back down to the girls’ apartment.

“Laverne hold me” he said.

“What happened?”  
“Squiggy”

“What did he do?”

“He got mouthy and I well - i didn’t beat him up but i scared him. Y’know I grabbed him by the scruff and dangled him... “

Up in the boys’ apartment Shirley knocked on their door. “Squiggy are you ok?”

“Lenny stood up to me! He hasn’t done that in 10 years! He grabbed me and held me up! Scared the hell out of me!”

“He called you Andrew!” Shirley said. 

“Yea he only does that when he‘s really angry at me. Where did i go wrong Shirl?”  
Shirley sighed. “Squiggy you do treat him like crap sometimes.”

Squiggy sighed. 

She looked at him and saw how defeated he looked.

“Squiggy, are you tearing up? If you are it’s ok i’ll never tell anyone”

He sighed. “I've always tried to be tough y’know. I’m overcompensating because I’m such a shrimp” he said bitterly.

“You’re allowed to show feelings Sqig. it doesn’t make you less of a man”

“You don’t get it Shirley”

“No i guess i don’t I’m not a macho man”

Squiggy sighed. “We’ve known each other a very long time Shirl haven’t we?”

Shirley nodded. “Yes we’ve known each other since the first grade”

Squiggy nodded. “Yes and since first grade what have people thought of me?”

“That’s a loaded question Squig.”

Squiggy sighed in annoyance. “Can’t anyone be honest with me ever” Tears started to well up in his eyes again.

“Squiggy you’re scaring me. You’re not acting like yourself”

“Look at me Shirl, I’m 23, and short shrimp. I have no real girlfriend. Girls don’t actually like me much. I have a weird hair worm and not nearly as attractive as Lenny. Girls go out with me just to pity me.”

He suddenly broke down in sobs, his whole body heaving. Shirley had never seen him like that ever. 

“Squiggy, who calls you a shrimp. You know that if anyone did that around Carmine he’d defend you for sure!”

“People at work. Remember Vivian? She called me a twerp.” he muttered. Shirley looked at him surprised. “Yes I heard her call me that. She certainly used me and it was you who made me realize just what a sucker I really was.” he sighed. “I dunno Shirl..”

She sighed. “Andrew look at me” she said gently.

Squiggy looked at her a little stunned at the use of his given name. “You are very cute. There is just something very special about you.” Shirley continued. 

“Me? Special” he chortled. “If i’m that special then why the hell did my dad leave us?” he began to sob again.

Lenny entered the apartment and saw his friend sobbing and looked at Shirley in confusion. She put her finger to her lips to Shh him. Lenny nodded and left

“I cannot answer that Squig, but...”she stopped. Squiggy had fallen asleep on her shoulder.

She laid him down on his bottom bunk and covered him with a blanket. She knew she’d have to go back to check to see if he was ok.

She stepped out of the boys apartment and shook her head. So many new things to deal with. Lenny and Laverne doing it and Squiggy breaking down crying. The only normal one besides her was Carmine.

The following day Shirley was tidying the apartment. Lenny and Laverne were out.

“Hi Shirl” said an unusual soft voice.

Shirley looked up. It was Squiggy. his hair was a mess and he looked upset.

“Hi Squig, what’s up?” she asked

“Uh- can we talk?” he said but couldn’t meet her eyes. 

“Sure. what’s up?” she asked. She wanted to wait until he brought up what happened the night before.

They sat on the sofa “I-I just want to apologise” he began.

“For what? You didn’t do anything?”

“For breaking down in front of you it’s not normally my style”

“Squig, no apology necessary. You are a human and humans get emotional.”

Not me” he stated. “I’ve never done that before”

Shirley sighed and put an arm around her friend. “What are you afraid of? That we’ll judge you for having emotions?”

“You’ll think I’m a wimp” he said

Shirley looked at him. “You certainly are not a wimp for having emotions..”

He looked at her. “You don’t think any less of me?”

She took a deep breath and looked at him in the eye. “Andrew, you are human, you are my friend and i will never think any less of you because you have emotions.” she thought for a moment. “Remember Bobby Greenbaum? He was bothering me one day in the cafeteria in the 10th grade. Remember what you did for me?”

Squiggy shook his head no. 

“You stood up to him on my behalf. You saw he was harassing me so you approached him and told him off.”

“I did that?” 

Shirley nodded. “You were very brave to stand up to him like that considering he was 5tt 9 and you’re 5ft 3.”

Squiggy sighed. “The curse of being short.” 

Shirley rolled her eyes. “Stop the negativity will ya!” 

“I remember what he did next. He pushed me down and every time i got up he pushed me again. It was horrible for me. Oh and another time after gym class he threw my clothes in the pool. He got me back for standing up to him.”

Shirley didn’t remember that part. 

“Squiggy even though he had 6 inches on you - you were the man and defended your friend who he was harassing. That is what a man does!”

“It didn't hurt, I had a massive crush on you” he admitted. He blushed just then and clamped his hand over his mouth. 

Shirley looked at him. “You had a crush on me?”

He nodded and looked away. “It’s hard for me to admit those kinda things Shirl”

“D-do you still have those feelings?” she asked him quietly.

He looked at her. “Maybe. But you got Carmine. The Big Ragoo Ragusa. What good am I.”

Shirley leaned over and gave Squiggy a deep passionate kiss. When they parted Squiggy looked at her. “Thanks for that Shirl” he said and smiled then he blushed again. “I-I can’t get up right now. Do you have a glass of water I can have to cool off with??”

She chuckled.. “Why not go have a cold shower” He nodded and did just that.

She shook her head and smiled. Just then the door opened and Laverne and Lenny entered.. They heard the shower and a male voice singing.

“Who is in the shower? Carmine?” Laverne asked.

“Shirley gulped. “Uh....”

“Hi Angleface” said a voice.

“Obviously it ain’t Carmine in the shower” Lenny said looking accusingly at Shirley.

Squiggy entered the living room wearing just a towel.

“Hey Shirl, have you seen my extra shirt?” he said and stopped when he saw the others. 

“Ahh so that’s who was in our shower” Laverne said.

Squiggy motioned for her to come. “Why didn’t you tell me they were here?”

“They just got here and there was no time to tell you without them being suspicious”

He said nothing and backed into the girls bathroom. “Shirley” he called.

She sighed and went to see him. He stood there in the towel.”Can I borrow some clothes” he asked.  
“Um why?” she began.

He blushed. “My clothes got wet from the shower I’m so embarrassed now even more than before. I’ll never live this down.”

“All my clothes are feminine Squiggy. I have nothing masculine enough for you”

He hung his head. “Can you go get me something to wear”

“I'll grab you a shirt and jeans”

He smiled. “I must look horrible”

Shirley looked at him. He was fresh from the shower so his hair wasn’t slicked back as he usually styles it and his cute little hair worm was messed up too. “I’ll bring you your comb too,” she said with a wink. . 

“I’m sorry Shirl, I am so sorry” he told her and she left to get his clothes.


	3. Chapter 3

. Um What! Oh no it can’t be! My pop will kill me. “She hung up. Her fears were coming true.

The door opened. “Hello” Squiggy greeted.

“HI Laverne” Lenny said. And then he saw her face. 

“You’re gonna be a father” she told him.

Lenny stared at her. “But we used condoms.” he said

“They are not 100% effective and we didn’t our first time” she said and collapsed in Lenny’s arms. 

“So what do we do now?”  
“I have another follow up in two weeks with Doc Freeman”

“I love you Laverne. I want to marry you” he said.

She looked at him. “I love you too Len” she replied and disappeared into the bedroom.

Shirley and Squiggy shook their heads. “Well she’s already pregnant, they can continue doin what they are doin’” Squiggy said.

“What about us, Squig”  
“Do you want to become a mom?” he asked.

“I’d love to have your child Squiggy but we’re not ready and neither is Lenny and Laverne.”

“We got no money,” Squiggy said. “Lenny says he’s going to take the dispatcher’s test so that’ll give him more money” 

“Where are they gonna live?”

“My uncle Elliott has a house he ain’t using as he’s going to California. He did say he wanted to rent it out for a while” 

She looked at him. “What is the rent gonna be?”

“Not sure yet but even if you combine your rent with ours it will probably be less or about the same i dunno” he said.  
“There are other openings at Shotz in admin, maybe Laverne should try for for one of those.“I heard Vivian quit '' Shirley said.

“Wow she quit?” Sqiggy replied

“Yea she tried to do to another guy what she did to you. Turns out it was the boss’ son Max Jr.”

“She was a nightmare,” Squiggy muttered.  
“We can all move into the house and share costs and help Lenny and Laverne” Shirley suggested.

“We need to make sure we’re careful,” Squiggy said.

“That’s for sure,” she replied.

“Do you want me to get a vasectomy?” asked Squiggy.

She shook her head “No that's not fair to you.” she said. “I’ll make sure i take my pill and we’ll make sure we use a condom.”

Squiggy looked at her. “I love you so much Shirley Feeney” he said again.


	4. Chapter 4

Two months later, they had moved into Squiggy’s uncle’s house. Squiggy and Shirley were in the bedroom and they were fooling around. What started out as just a little kissing continued into a full on make out session complete with full out noisy sex. Luckily Lenny and Laverne were not home. She looked at him. “Wow you really know how to pleasure a girl. She said and kissed him again.

They were into their fourth round when she realized something suddenly. “Squig, um I think we forgot something.” she said and sat up suddenly. He stopped caressing her breasts and covered his mouth with his hands. Squiggy and Shirley had slipped out of work 10 minutes early so they would beat Lenny and Laverne home. That day was hectic for all Shirley was interviewing for the admin position, Squiggy was getting used to a new delivery partner, Laverne’s hormones were making her crabby and Lenny was getting antsy about the results of the dispatcher exam. The two couples were getting used to the new living arrangement. They knew they had to keep their sex noises to a minimum as they didn’t want to embarrass each other.

That night in question they had forgotten to take their precaution because their day was so hectic and all they wanted that night was each other was the same day Lenny found out about his dispatcher exam results. Squiggy and Shirley were just finishing up their last bit of passionate love making when their roommates arrived home. Lenny came in yelling in delight.

Shirley and Squiggy ran into the living room in their under clothes not caring about the others seeing them. 

“What’s the good word Len?” Shirley asked.

“I passed the dispatcher’s exam. I’m going to be making more money starting Monday!” he said cheerfully. 

Laverne planted a big one on his lips. He blushed shyly and they slipped off to the bedroom to celebrate. 

“I got news of my own Squig.” Shirley began 

“What’s that?” he asked.

“I got that admin job.” she said. I start Monday oh and that viper Vivian, she wasn’t fired she was just demoted to bottle capping.” 

Squiggy made a face. “As long as she leaves us alone. She kept calling me Andy and I hate that” he said.

Shirley paled suddenly and ran off to the bathroom to throw up. A dread washed over Squiggy. He knew all it took was one time of not being careful or a baby Squigman could be on the way. Shirley began to sob suddenly. The girls had kept a stack of pregnancy tests on hand just in case and she took one and sure enough....

“Shirley?” Squiggy called out to her.

“It’s positive” she replied

“I - I’m going to be a father?” he asked.

Shirley nodded.

Laverne and Lenny left their room and entered the living room. “What’s that Shirl?”

“Pregnancy test”

“We know Laverne is pregnant already,” Lenny said.  
“She’s talking about herself ya big dope” Laverne said and smacked him playfully.

“That one time or rather 4x 2 months ago that we forgotten....”Squiggy said.

“Four times? Where do you get the stamina?” Lenny asked shaking his head.

“Lenny we’ve done it 4x in one night,” Laverne said.

Lenny blushed. “3 1/2 he replied honestly.

Laverne recalled that indeed there was a slight issue during the 4th round that Lenny could not finish” 

Squiggy raised an eyebrow. “Lil Len fell asleep?” he joked

Lenny blushed again. ‘I’m sure ‘Lil Andrew’ has had his own dysfunction.” Lenny shot back.

Squiggy did not reply. 

“Told ya!” Lenny Said.

“Would you two stop?'' Shirley said and began to cry.

Squiggy ran to her. “I’m sorry Shirley.” They went off to their bedroom. She needed comfort. 

Laverne and Lenny sighed. 

They were lying in bed snuggling one evening. “Have you told your pop yet?”

“No! He’ll be so upset.”

Laverne you better tell him as you’re going to start showing. You’re already 4 months and neither Edna nor your pop are dumb. They will figure it out”

“I don’t wanna get married when I’m showing. She said.” 

“Either we get married after the baby is born or very soon.” he said with a glint in his eye.

Laverne sighed. “This is not going to be easy.”

“I know” Lenny said.

Shirley and Squiggy were at the doctor’s office waiting in the exam room.

“Hi Shirley, Hi Andrew” Dr. Freeman said.

“Hi” they chimed 

The doctor examined Shirley, made some notes, touched her again and made more notes. Finally she did an ultrasound. She then looked at them and sighed.

“What?” Squiggy asked.

“I have some interesting news about the pregnancy.” the doctor said and looked at the father to be.

“Why are you looking at me so weirdly?”

“You’re further along than expected”

“What?”

“The original pregnancy test we took a little while ago was um... incorrect”

“Incorrect?”

“I uh... got your test mixed up with someone else's.”

Very inconsiderate of the doctor not to contact them and let them know that they were actually going to have a baby.

“Why didn’t you contact us sooner if you knew about the mix up.”

Dr. Freeman didn’t have an answer for that.

“You are actually 4 months along just like Laverne but there is one slight difference.”

“What is the difference?”

“You’re carrying twins Shirley”

“If I’m carrying twins shouldn't I be showing more?”  
“Well the babies are small” she said looking at Squiggy.

“That’s a cheap shot Doc!.” Shirley said.

“Come back in 2 months and we’ll do another ultrasound to determine the sex of the babies if you so choose to know.”

“We want to know: they said.

Dr. Freeman’s secretary booked an appointment for two months from then for the follow up exam.

When they got home Laverne and Lenny were in the bedroom as usual.

“Sex fiends” Shjirley said as she kissed Squiggy.

They stopped. “What are we doing? We are 4 months along. We need to get married.” 

“How about calling Father Delveccio?” 

“He’s Catholic and we’re not,” Squiggy said.

“Lenny and Laverne are Catholic. Maybe as a favour he’ll do a non denominational service. Come to think of it, we need to keep it a secret for now” Shirley’s thoughts were all over the place.

“We can do city hall.” Squiggy suggested.

“I wanted a big wedding”

“Yes I know but we can do that one the babies are born. You know, have a big fancy party”

Shirley grabbed him, kissed him hard and they fell onto the sofa. Laverne and Lenny walked into the living room and saw their roommates going at it on the sofa.

“Chill you guys. We are here!” Laverne said

They stopped, repositioned their clothes and went off to their bedroom. 

“Those two are just as horney as we are,” Lenny said.

“Are you still going to love me when I get big” Laverne asked. 

“I’ve been pining away for you my entire teen and adult life thus far. You’re carrying my baby” Lenny said. “I love you.”

Once Shirley and Squiggy came up for air, they went back into the living room and told the others the good news.

“Twins?” Laverne said.”wow double the fun.”

“Double the expense,” Squiggy added. “I’m set to take the dispatcher test like Lenny next Tuesday. 

Two months later, the girls were 6 months along and progressing well.

“Shirley, your twins are doing well, you have a boy and a girl. Baby boy is slightly smaller but he will grow. The baby girl has a slight heart murmur which can be fixed in utero but not for another two months. I suggest inducing at 38 weeks to be on the safe side. Come in at 36 weeks for a final exam and we’ll see how to move forward to either go the full 40 weeks or induce at 38.”

“I’ll tell Squiggy, he’ll be pleased that he’s going to have a male heir to carry on the Squigman name.” She said.

Laverne looked at the doctor expectantly. “Your daughter is developing well. There are no issues with her and you should deliver on time at 40 weeks.”

The girls breathed a sigh of relief that the babies were progressing well.

Meanwhile, while the girls were getting the good news from the doctor, Squiggy had gone to the break room for his lunch and came face to face with someone he preferred not to ever see again.

“HI Andy” said a sultry voice.

“Vivian go away” he said to her. ‘I don’t want to have anything to do with you.”

“Oh Andy you know that’s a lie, you’ve been wanting me forever” she said.

“Vivian, you used me, and hurt my feelings”

“You let that Shirley woman fill your mind with lies about me” she said.

“You treated me like garbage” 

“You are a sex fiend and you deserved it.” she said and shoved him against the locker.

“Vivian stop” Squiggy warned.

“Or what?”

“I’ll scream,” he said, his voice shaking.

“Are you frightened little man?” she sneered

“Andrew Squigman fears nothing, ‘cept darkness”

Suddenly everything went dark


	5. Chapter 5

When Laverne and Shirley got home from the doctors office, Lenny was pacing with worry. 

“Lenny, what’s the matter? You are scaring me!” 

“It’s Squiggy..”he began a sob escaping from his throat.

Shirley dropped her purse on the floor. “What about my Squiggy?”

“He was assaulted at work.”

“Assaulted?”

Lenny nodded.

“By whom?” she asked, her eyes narrowing in anger.

“Now Shirl, please calm down. You don’t want to get upset. Remember what the doctor said.”

“I want my Squiggy” she said, tears streaming down her face. 

“He’s in the hospital, he’s pretty messed up but so far so good the doc says he’ll be ok. Right now until they find him a room, he’s in emerg.” 

Lenny drove Shirley to the hospital and went into the emergency ward with her 

“Andrew Squigman. This is his fiance Shirley Feeney” Lenny said.

The nurse nodded and left Lenny and had Shirley follow her to where he was.

He had bandages on his face and was covered with blankets. 

“He has fractured ribs as well. I’ll show you the report later. This young man was very lucky that his best friend Lenny came in when he did! “

“Lenny saved his life??

The nurse nodded. “Said some girl and two goons were beating him up rather brutally. Apparently Lenny came in and when he turned on the light, he screamed at the sight of his buddy getting pummeled. They didn’t get far as Lenny’s screams brought security to the room and the goons were immediately arrested and charged with attempted murder.”

“How are they gonna prove that?”

“The break room is wired” Lenny said.

Shirley ran to hug Lenny. “Oh my gawd That the hell is wrong with people!”

“Vivian didn’t like being dumped. For months she had been stalking him when you weren’t around. I made old man Shotz wire the breakroom. I had caught Vivian in there with those two goons talking about hurting people. So that’s when I knew something could happen and told old man Shotz.”

“Shirl,” came a weak voice.

Shirley went to him. 

“I can’t perform my husbandly duties for a while, so you are free to be with another.” he told her.

“Can I hit him Len. “Shirley asked. “Squiggy, I am six months pregnant with your children, one of which will indeed carry on the Squigman name. . I’m not in the mood for it anyway and no i’d not be with another just because you couldn’t perform your husbandly duties. I love you Andrew” 

“He’s going to be here for a while Shirl. “ Lenny said

“I want a guard watching him,” Shrley said.

“Vivian and the goons are in jail, they ain’t going to get bail for attempted murder.” Lenny said.

“Wanna bet? Laverne, who just joined them said. She turned on a news conference where Vivian was claiming self defense and the goons claimed they were defending her against the animal that Andrew Squigman was.

Squiggy had fallen asleep so he had no idea the latest on the abuse case. The others were seriously glad that Squiggy had no idea how bad it was progressing.

“We’ll fix their wagon once and for all,” Lenny said.

“How?” Laverne asked as she looked at her best friend who had her head on her fiance’s chest crying uncontrollably. 

“We must clear his name.” Laverne said.

“That recording needs to be heard by the judge and jury!” Lenny said.

Suddenly and without warning machines that were surrounding Squiggy went off. He had lapsed into a coma and was moved up to ICU. Lenny and Laverne, since they were not related to Squiggy, couldn't visit but Shirley, since she was his fiance, was allowed to visit and stay with him.

They had a connection through a family member for a good criminal prosecution lawyer. They briefed him on everything that had happened and gave him access to the recording. They had gotten permission from Max Shotz personally to go up to the booth and listen to the actual authentic recording. This was so the defence couldn't’ claim the recording was tampered with. Squiggy remained in ICU throughout the trial preparation (which unfortunately was taking far too long because the defence kept firing their lawyers) The girls were 8 months pregnant and had to stand as witnesses in the trial. Squigman vs McCafferty Since Squigman was lying in the hospital in a coma, his friends and fiancee had to testify for him.

The date of said trial landed on the day that Shirley was to go for her final check up knowing she couldn’t be in two places at once she rescheduled her exam check up explaining why she had to reschedule. They agreed that testifying on an attempted murder trial was far more important 

The defendants were brought in in handcuffs and as they were brought in Vivian sneered at Lenny, Laverne and Shirley.

“I hope that little pipsqueak twerp dies” Vivian snarled.

Lenny and Shirley had to hold Laverne back from hauling off and hitting her.

The proceedings began and both sides presented their side of the story. Vivian claimed of course that Squiggy came on to her and threatened her not the other way around. She swore up and down self defense and her friends came to her aid when Squiggy tried to rape her. 

The lawyers on both sides questioned her and she answered - lied of course.

“He actually bit me on the breast” she cried and showed them the bite marks. 

Laverne, Shirley and Lenny rolled their eyes. 

“We present our evidence,” Lenny said and played the tape for the judge and jury. It clearly showed that Vivian and her goons were the aggressors and Squiggy was the victim. Squiggy did not lay one hand on her.

“”You said you could get that recording and destroy it!” Vivian said to her goons.  
“There are always multiple backup copies made... now because of you Vivian. You are nothing but a sneaky snake in the grass” it was the voice of Max Shotz. “We know your game. You’ve done this before .?”

Vivian and her goons were all convicted and sentenced to 25 years in prison. They were taken away in cuffs and shackles. 

The gang celebrated their victory and they had a police conference where they stated that Andrew Squigman was totally innocent of anything that Vivian had said he did. Vivian was the aggressor and will be going to jail for a very long time.

Shirley visited him that night and although he was still comatose, she talked to him and kissed his forehead.

The next day she went in for her exam. “8 month final follow up, how are the babies?”

“Dr. Freeman’s face fell. “I’m so sorry Shirley” she began.

“NO! Don’t tell me!” she said with tears in her eyes.

“You lost Baby Girl” was the reply.”Baby Boy is progressing and developing well but the girl, who did have a heart murmur was getting worse...”

Shirley sobbed as Lenny picked her up from the appointment.

“I lost Baby Girl” she said glumly.’’

“I’m so sorry, Shirl” said Lenny.

Lenny helped her up the stairs and she glumly went into the bedroom and she cried herself to sleep.

“What happened?”

“Baby Girl miscarried,” Lenny said.

Laverne teared up. “OH NO!”

“Did the hospital call about Squiggy” asked Lenny.

“Oh yes they did. He is out of the coma and oddly enough he’s feeling much better.” Laverne said.

“Really.... On the same day Baby Girl dies in utero, Squiggy miraculously comes out of the coma. Very strange.” Lenny said.

“Miracle from above maybe. Baby Girl gave her life so Shirley could have her husband and Baby Boy could have his daddy back” Laverne said.

Shirley came out of the bedroom. “I heard that.”

“Shirl...” Lenny began.

Shirley did not want to discuss it. “Drive me to the hospital. Squiggy and I are getting married.”

Lenny did what he was told. Shirley had it all arranged to have the hospital chaplain marry them. Since Squiiggy wasn’t quite ready to be released and the baby was coming within a month she knew she wanted to be married before he was born. Lenny and Laverne also got married at the same time. The two couples were witnesses for each other. The boys promised that at some point in the future months they’d have a big celebration.

Squiggy was released from the hospital with a clean bill of health two weeks later. He was still very sore but for the most part the doctor said he would recover. That night they were in their room, she had just helped him get changed and into bed.

“I knew you lost Baby Girl” he said.  
“H-how?” she asked.

“This is going to sound weird but this is what happened. Baby Girl came to me in my comatose state and told me that you and her brother needed me and that it wasn’t my time to go. She also said that she knew she had a bad heart and that even if she had been born she would have died within days of being born. She wanted you to know she’ll always watch out for us and her brother forever as she is our little angel baby. She also said that when we name her and put it on her grave not to include Wilhelmina. Shirley we never discussed naming her that name did we?”

“I was going to use it as a middle name,” she said. “But I never said it outloud so I don't understand.... She faltered

“Is she still inside?”

Shirley nodded. “It is too dangerous at this point for Baby boy to remove her. She’ll be delivered by c-section along with him. I don’t get a natural birth but i don’t care i have my child” 

“What are we going to name our son?”

Squiggy looked at her. “Andrew Junior?” he suggested.

“Squig, i thought you hated that given name”

‘“Yea but i had gone by Andrew until i was 14”

Shirley nodded “Sounds good to me. Andrew Junior or AJ” 

“Unfortunately Shirley, i cannot indulge in some loving tonight as much as i’d like to after last nights frolic which bruised my ribs not to mention my dignity when we had to call Laverne and Lenny to help untangle us.”

“Squig, that was embarrassing for both of us,” she said, cringing at the memory.

“Let's just cuddle and go to sleep.” Squiggy said.

The girls were about ready to burst and just a smidge under 9 months . They had promised to work up to their due date and it was fast approaching. 

Lenny had been working his dispatcher jobs for a short time and yet he got multiple pay raises. Sqjuiggy, who had been collecting unemployment for the time he was off due to the incident, was retrained quickly and pretty soon he was up for a raise as well.

They got a huge settlement from Vivian and her goons as they all were convicted with attempted murder. The amount of compensation Squiggy received was enough to pay all his hospital bills, as well as any therapy thereafter plus give them a healthy savings. 

The girls were sitting at their admin desks when they both felt their water break concurrently 

“It’s time! Somebody get the boys and take us to the hospital!” 

Other dispatchers quickly filled in for Lenny and Squiggy who took their expectant wives to the hospital. They were set up in beds right next to each other with a curtain between.”

The boys encouraged the girls to push but being squeamish men, both fainted at the sights of the babies actually being born. Shirley was able to deliver her son naturally with no problem but they had to quickly wheel her out to perform a c-section to get the twin out.

An hour later the girls held their kids in their arms with the boys sitting next to them.

“Welcome to the world Josephine Koslowski’ Laverne said. “Named after my mom” 

“Welcome Andrew Squigman Junior,” said Shirley.

Laverne and Shirley gave their husbands a kiss and handed them their kids.  
The boys exchanged looks. Maybe someday the two kids will fall in love and marry and the four of them will all be in laws to each other. 

Laverne & Shirley were able to take a six month maternity leave where they worked around their house as they took care of the babies Lenny and Squiggy continued their jobs as dispatchers and for once their life they were truly happy. But two months into their maternity leave all hell broke loose.

One day the girls had just got Josephine and AJ to sleep and suddenly Lenny and Squiggy came into the house breathless.

“What is going on boys! We just got the kids to sleep” Laverne said.

“Vivian is out of jail” he said. “Some kind of technicality.”

Shirley paled. “What?”

“She’s pregnant and claiming our Squiggy is the father.”

“I never ever touched that viper!” Squiggy said coming into the house. “Shirley you know that!”

Shirley scoffed. “She’s an out and out liar and I know you’d never hurt me Squig.” she said.

He breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank god you believe me”

“Squiggy...” she started and then realized just how insecure her husband was. The secrets he had told her the year before took a toll on his confidence. 

“Lenny, Laverne can Squiggy and I chat in private please.” Shirley said.

They nodded and Lenny went to check on their daughter while Laverne went to the kitchen to ponder supper.

“Squiggy, what is going on with you? Why are you so worried that I’ll think you and Vivian were together?”

He looked at her. “I don’t know. Part of me is still thinkin’ its a dream that i ended up with you Shirley. I mean. You broke up with Carmine The Big Ragoo to be with me little Andrew Squigman, the liar of Fillmore High.” he said.

She sighed. “Andrew, you know I love you. I always had a little crush on you all through school but when you had that rebellion part in your teens you came across as not so nice. I just wish you would have confided in me back then instead of acting like a big man on campus and lying.”

“My step dad was not a nice man. Ya i lived with him and my mom till I was 21 but neither made my life easy. “

“Why is Vivian doing this? Why is she such a nasty jerk?” Shirley wondered aloud.

Squiggy shrugged. “I have no idea Shirley. We didn’t actually date you know. She, as you know, just used me.”

“As I recall you boasted about spending time in her bedroom and practically moving in.” Shirley said wryly. 

Squiggy cringed. “Yea I know. That was so wrong of me to say that. I mean.... “ he said.

There was a knock on the door. Lenny went to get it. “Yes”

“Andrew Squigman?” said the voice.

“Yes that’s me” Squiggy said.

“This is for you. It’s a paternity test order” he said.

“What is that viper up to!” he muttered.

“Don’t you call my daughter a viper, you letch she told me what you did!” 

Squiggy glared at him. “I did absolutely nothing to your daughter for the love of all things holy Shirley Feeney is my wife and the only woman I've ever been with!” 

The man chortled and shook his head. “Not what Vivian says and I tend to believe my daughter rather than a scrawny shrimp.”

The others stared at him. Why was this man and Vivian trying to pin something on Squiggy?

“I-I have to take this paternity test Shirl. I have no choice. I know it’s a lie but i have to do it to prove to her and everyone else that I did not father Vivian’s baby.”

Shirley nodded. “I believe you Squig” she said with a smile.

Squiggy did what he had to do and supplied the DNA in order to clear his name.

Two weeks later there was a knock on the door. Lenny ran to get it. Shirley and Laverne were in the bedrooms breastfeeding the kids.

“Yes?”  
“Andrew Squigman?”  
“He’s not here”  
“Please give him this”

Lenny’s eyes narrowed. “What is it?”

“Court summons” he replied.

“What now?”

“He’s being sued for defamation by Vivian McCaferty”

Lenny looked at him. “Are you kidding?” 

“Vivian doesn’t kid. She didn’t like the fact Andrew attacked her in the breakroom and it was turned around to have the judge and jury believe it was him he victim. She is having the court overturn the charges of attempted murder”

Lenny gasped. Vivian is really trying to get back at Squiggy but WHY?”

The guy left and Squiggy arrived home a few minutes later. “Who was that guy?”

“You’re being sued”

“What?”

“Vivian is suing you for defamation. She’s trying to have the attempted murder charge over turned and pin back on you for attacking her.”

“She can’t do that! She was convicted by a judge and jury and even her lawyer sided with us. The evidence from the wire was authentic. They even had Max Shotz testify and play the recording! “

“Vivian is out to get you Squig. I don’t know why or what she has up her sleeve”

“No wonder people were glaring at me and muttering rude things when i was in various stores today! Vicious rumors are going around” Squiggy said

“It is not safe here anymore,” Laverne said. “I don’t want to move you guys! I love Milwaulkee!”

“We need to teach Vivian a lesson” 

“No. Don’t you see. She is a total viper, She gets what she wants. She wants to get back at Squiggy for dumping her by making things up. He provided a sample of his DNA for the alleged baby she was pregnant with. She is not going to stop.” Lenny said 

“Do you think i’m nuts? I know i didn’t get her pregnant! I faked the DNA sample. I have my ways which I'm not gonna tell but let it be known I don't back down.” Squiggy said.

Squiggy got in touch with his lawyer who met with them and discussed the next course of action. 

A few days later Squiggy, Shirley and the lawyer met with Vivian and her lawyer.

“Vivian is nuts. She has absolutely no case. She claims Andrew attacked her and it is clear from that recording he did nothing of the sort! She claims now you got her pregnant. Think about it - you were in the hospital during the time she alleges you got her pregnant. She’s suffering from delusions.” the lawyer said.

“He attacked me and had sex with me while he was in the hospital!” Vivian said.  
“Vivian! Cool it! I did nothing of the sort and you know that. I was pretty beaten badly and no way i could have done anything!”

“I have a recording” Vivian said smugly.

“Prove it” Squiggy said. 

“Do you want an audio or video of it, smart guy” Vivian said.

Squiggy and Shirley exchanged glances. What in the world was Vivian talking about. It was clear to everyone that he was beaten up so badly his ribs were shattered and under no circumstances could he do anything. 

“Here is the video” Vivian said.

“That is not Squiggy.” Shirley said. “Not in a million years is it Squiggy.” 

“I should know the body of the man who raped me” Vivian said.

“Ya well i’ve been with Squiggy many many times and that ain’t his body”

“Prove it Squigman” Vivan said.

“I’m not stripping for you Vivian!” he said. “This is insane.” 

“Arrest him” Vivian said.

“Give it a rest Vivian” he lawyer said. “I am calling the shots now and we’re dropping the case.”

“You can’t drop the case” Vivian said. ‘No we can’t” 

The lawyer glared at Vivian “My sincere apologies to you Mr. and Mrs. Squigman. We are officially dropping the case and Vivian is going to a mental ward. She for whatever reason wants to hurt Andrew here. There is nothing more to say. I will be giving a briefing to the press and officially denouncing what she has done to him and if you want to pursue anything toward her then go ahead.”

“I want an apology,” Squiggy told her. “A full on apology.right here right now and another one publicly. You are to never contact me again. Furthermore starting tomorrow i’m having a restraining order put on you. You cannot come anywhere near me or my friends. If we are in a restaurant you cannot be there. In turn - if we arrive at a restaurant and see you there we will wait for you to finish. We're not that cold and callous to kick you out mid meal.”

The lawyer drew up the restraining order and any other pertinent documents and everyone signed them Although Vivian had to be forced to sign as she still believed she was in the right and Squiggy was her attacker. 

That night at home Shirley and Squiggy shared what happened at the lawyers with their friends. 

“She’s going to get the help she needs. I hope for the best for her but I'm glad I never have to see her again” Squiggy said happily.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the final chapter in this story. Hope you've enjoyed it!

The girls went back to work when the kids were 6 months old. They had enjoyed their time off but they were ready to get back to the office and make money again. During their maternity leave they approached a nanny agency and interviewed a handful of women as a nanny/housekeeper. The agency said they did indepth interviews and background checks for all the women at the agency. Laverne and Shirley narrowed it down to two women. Both very qualified with childcare degrees, their drivers license and they both specialize in infant care. 

“This is very hard to decide Laverne. Why not give them both a chance to prove themselves? Give them a trial and then decide” Shirley suggested.

The first girl’s name was Katie. She was 35, university educated with a degree in childcare, clean driver’s license and had extraordinary references from past employers. She had worked for two different families over the course of 15 years. Only reason that she didn’t work for them anymore was the kids grew up and no longer needed a nanny.

The second one’s name was Veronica. She was 38, also university educated with a degree in childcare specializing in infant / toddler. She also had great references and had been with one family for her whole career starting at 18. Evidently one of the charges she was a nanny for had a kid of her own so she took care of that kid when the original kid was in school. She was no longer needed as the family moved out of state.

“Shirley, can i talk to you for a moment?” Squiggy said after he met Katie for the first time.

“What is it Squig?”

“She looks awfully familiar to me” he said nervously.

“Squiggy Vivian is in a mental ward. Don’t worry” she said with a smile.

“I feel it. Something is not right with her.” he said and eyed her suspiciously.

“You’re paranoid, Squiggy?” Shirley said to him

Squiggy looked at her. “Please don’t say that.” he said.

Shirley looked at him and her demeanor dropped. “I am so sorry. I should be more sensitive to you Squig. You’ve been through a lot of trauma over that woman. I can understand why you’d be a little nervous.”

“She certainly screwed me up Shirley. I can’t even perform my duties lately” he said with shame.

They had been trying to rekindle some of they earlier romance but Squiggy was too uptight to do anything since the most recent Vivian issue. 

“What about a nice massage?” Suggested Shirley.

“That may help. But can we set up the massage table in the bedroom?” he said.

He reflected on the previous time they did that. They used the massage ploy as foreplay. They both were naked and they set up in the living room Lenny and Laverne were away for the weekend - or so they thought. They didn’t count on their roommates coming home early. This was before the kids were born and before the 4 of them had moved in together. It took place in Laverne and Shirley’s apartment on Knapp St. 

FLASHBACK

“I want you so bad, Squiggy” Shirley said to him.

“I want you too. But I’m so damn tense” he replied.

“Let's fool around on the massage table” Suggested Shirley in a sultry manor.

They set up the massage table in the living room. Both stripped naked and Squiggy got on the table face down, his naked butt showing. Shirley started out by caressing his back and then his butt. She straddled him and began to work his back muscles hard and both groaned very loudly. She got off him and he rolled over he was facing her. 

“You’re hard.” she said in a silky voice.

“I know” he replied.

She guided him in her like it was their usual way of making love. They orgasmed and cried out very loud with passion.

They finished and just lay there on the massage table she, lying on top of him kissing him, her butt exposed.

THEN suddenly. Laverne and Lenny arrived home.

“Hello...” came the embarrassed voice of Squiggy.

Lenny and Laverne made a beeline for Lenny’s apartment. They didn’t want to further embarrass their friends so they left right away, locking the door behind them. 

Squiggy shook his head. “Not one of our more mature moments?” he said.

“Well, we expected them home not til the next day. We have a right to fool around Squig.” 

‘Indeed we do but we can’t be so um ... we can’t expose ourselves like that. Especially with the kids and now our new nanny once we chose her.”

“She won’t be allowed in our bedrooms Squig. We will clean and vacuum our own bedrooms. That will be one rule that will be fireable if they disrespect it.” Shirley said.

“Oh i agree with you. I mean we have private stuff in here that i wouldn’t want anyone else seeing. “He said and blushed.

“I love your little blush Squig. You’re so cute” Shirley said.

“Are you getting horney?’ he asked her.

Suddenly AJ started crying. 

“He’s hungry” she said and unbuttoned her blouse. Squggy felt himself harden.

“Are you going to sit in the living room and breastfeed Shirl?”  
“I breastfeed openly Squig. I have no problem feeding our baby this way”

“I agree with you Shirl, but um. You like to breastfeed openly like that with no shirt on. Is it a good idea with the nanny out there or Lenny for that matter?” 

“Are you worried Lenny will oggle me or be silly like he did in his younger days. He’s with Laverne, he won’t do it” Shirley said.

“Out of respect for me, your husband.” he said..

Shirley nodded. “Ok.Squig.” she said.

She finished feeding AJ and put him back down. 

‘Squiggy what is bothering you? You haven’t been yourself lately. I want you to be open and honest with me.”

Squiggy looked at her, his eyes sad. “Do you love me Shirl.” 

Shirley looked at her husband, her best friend in shock. “Where in the world did this come from Squiggy?”

He didn’t make eye contact with her. “I haven’t been myself romantically for months and I'm so afraid that you’ll turn to another man.”

Shirley began to sob. She lifted her tear-streaked face to her husband. “Andrew Squigman, I will go to the top of the Empire state Building or wherever the heck i can and shout at the top of my lungs just how much i love you. I will never ever cheat on you. That is not my style. When you were in the hospital for two months i kept by your side and never thought of stepping out on you. Lenny comforted me as a friend as did Carmine but both were with others and neither would have taken advantage of me in my state.”

Squiggy nodded. “I'm so screwed up mentally. I have a confession to make. I’ve been seeing a psychiatrist. Vivian really got to me mentally. Maybe that’s why i’ve been so different lately.”

“She did a real number on you. She and her goons who by the way are locked up in a mental ward. There is no way they will be getting out any time soon.’

Meanwhile in the living room Katie was tidying up and doing her vacuuming and whatnot . Katie was the first of the two nannies that they were trying out. They figured each one would do a week and then at the end they’d compare notes on how the girls did and decide on a full time nanny. 

The following week Veronica performed the nanny and housekeeping duties but she did it differently. She believed in cloth diapers not pampers or the like and wanted to introduce some solids to the kids. Neither Laverne nor Shirley knew what she was up to as she just took it upon herself to introduce the solids to the kids. It was Laverne who caught her.

“What the hell are you doing?” Laverne said and threw her purse on the floor.

“Feeding the children. Ain’t that my job” she said sarcastically.

“You feed them bottled breastmilk and nothing more Veronica!” she seethed.

“I was taught in school that you introduce solids,” she said and shrugged.

Shirley counted to ten before she spoke

“Veronica. They are our children. We are the ones who have a say in what they eat. We did not give you permission to start them on solids” she said.

“You may leave our home now,” added Squiggy.

Veronica glared at them. “You will be hearing from my attorney for unfair dismissal”

Squiggy threw up his hands and went off to the bedroom in frustration

“That little guy’s a tiger when he’s angry

Shirley pointed to the door. “GET OUT of here Veronica NOW”

Just as she was leaving Laverne and Lenny were arriving home. 

“Hey what’s going on? Why is she leaving?”

“She’s not a contender any more Len, she fed our children solids. We didn’t give permission to do that as yet. I wanted to wait until their next wellness check” Shirley said.

Laverne looked at the retreating Veronica. “She is a piece of work.too. I actually caught her in our bedroom”

Lenny looked at his wife. “What?” 

Laverne nodded “Yea. I saw her in there going through our drawers. Didn’t say anything because before i got a chance Shirley called out to me. Don’t worry Veronica didn’t see me catch her.”

“Now what do we do?” asked Lenny  
“Hire Katie?” Shirley said. “And report Veronica to the agency.

They contacted the agency and made a complaint about Veronica.

“I’m still a little unsure about Katie. She just rubs me the wrong way.” Squiggy said.

“Give her a chance ok please?” Shirley said to her husband.

He nodded. “Ok I’ll give her a chance.”

They hired katie to take care of AJ and Josephine which they shortened to Josie.” 

For the most part they had no issues with Katie.

“See Katie is fine, you worried for nothing” Lenny said and gave him a swat on the arm.

Squiggy admitted he was wrong about Katie. They had spelled out Katie’s duties for her. All duties pertaining to the children and the children’s laundry. They were not under any circumstances to touch the adults’ laundry. They would do that themselves. While the kids slept she was also to vacuum every other day and do a basic clean of kitchen and whatnot.


End file.
